I read an article by Jerome Onipede of Allure, Vanguard Nigeria and I was intrigued. Actually, the title drew me and I was moved to pick the magazine up (and yes, I titled this post the exact thing as it’s quite catchy. Lol)
In this article, Jerome talked about women who don’t go out and how he gets inundated with requests to match-make these by concerned relatives.
As I read the piece my mind flashed back to a few years ago, to when I was in my 20s and was under subtle pressure to find a ‘husband’ and settle down.
This is a pressure most of us women will go through, especially when you hit 25 years and in this part of Africa.
In this part of the world and in Nigeria in particular, we have a sort- of mutated gene where it’s characteristic for everyone to poke into everyone else’s business. Lol. This is also why your relatives, especially those elderly aunties, make your life and getting you settled their primary goal in life. It starts out subtle at first with comments like:
I saw you and a guy talking yesterday on my way back from the market. Is that our future son in-law?
Plenty boys are liking your pictures on Facebook. But which one is the real one naa? Which one should we be expecting?
Then, God help you if you hit your 30s and still haven’t brought a man home. They do away with all niceties as the issue of your prolonged single hood has become a matter of national concern.
Now you will get comments like:
Mary, what is happening? Fine girl like you, no husband. Sarah that is not even as fine as you is already married with two kids.
There is one programme going on in so and so church. The pastor is very powerful. Everyone that goes there gets married in no time.
You don’t go out, that’s why there is no husband. How can the husband come when you are always indoors pressing phone. Or do they now share husband on the internet?
The pressure becomes real and all you see. And if you aren’t strong emotionally, you will break under it’s weight.
The Sense in all this ‘Nonsense’
Even with all the pressure at this time,if you actually sit to think things through, you will find there’s a lot of sense in what is being done (even if it’s being done the wrong way).
Only a person who genuinely cares about you will want to make you better and go out of their way to see it happen.
For women who are looking to settle down, choosing to stay indoors often is actually non-productive. A situation doesn’t change if you do absolutely nothing about it or if you continue to do things i n the same ineffective way you’ve always done it.
When you go out, you meet people, hang out, make acquaintances, create friendships, and from there you can choose who to spend more quality and intimate moments with.
Quite a number of women who don’t go out have a harder time settling down because their choices are limited. When a few eventually do settle down, it is not with someone they ordinarily would have chosen and in some of these home, you find they are taken for granted and a lot of abuse reigns.
Going out often may not be comfortable for you, especially if you are introverted, but if you see it as a means to an end, it will make doing it more comfortable.