When He Ghosts You and Comes Back: How to Act
Being ghosted is the pits; it is the worse form of breakup seeing as your man broke up with you without actually breaking up with you.
All that disappearing up on you can make you feel like you weren’t worth much to start with and that’s why they didn’t bother breaking up in person.
Then, out of nowhere, he shows up. You are yet to get over the shock and the hurt of his disappearing when he waltzes right back into your life, expecting to pick up right where he left off.
I’ve had a guy disappear on you one time; he stopped calling and texting and wouldn’t pick when I did. Of course, I knew I’d been ghosted and moved on.
Fast-forward to a few months later when I ran into this ex with my partner at the time. The funny story is he had the presence of mind to appear irritated I was dating again. Guess he thought I would place my life on hold after his disappearance.y
When he ghosts you and comes back how should you act?
Should you even give him the time of day seeing as he has proven unreliable once?
Relationship and human emotions experts recommend delaying your actions in such a case – even though you would be in your right to feel angry – and finding out what actually went wrong to make him disappear.
As painful as it would be running into him again, you want to calm down and hear what he has to say. He might have a plausible reason and hearing him out will help you understand why he acted the way he did.
However, as you listen, you should become a bit more discernible to be sure he is telling the truth and not feeding you some story.
Men have been known to go back to a woman for several reasons and you want to be sure you aren’t being deceived a second time.
Here are some common reasons why some men come back after ghosting you:
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1) He’s Become Single Again
It’s likely he went with a woman when he disappeared from your life but has recently become single and thought to pick up right where he left off with you.
2) He’s Compared What You Had with His Current and Yours Came Out in Flying Colors
Then there are the times a man leaves a woman to go with another, only to find out much later what he had is the real deal.
If this happens, he’s likely to want to make his way back to you.
3) He Suddenly Got Reminded of You
He might have seen something – a picture or an updated status – that reminded him of the good times and missed you.
In such a situation, he’s likely to reach out after thinking about it for a while and it would seem like being visited by a ghost.
4) He’s Out for Some Fun
It’s also possible he saw you, remembered how good it was, and wants a piece of the action again.
A girlfriend was played this way and was doubly heartbroken.
She got ghosted and was just pulling her life back together when out of the blues Romeo reappears.
They’d run into each other at the supermarket. He confessed to haven actually ghosted her, apologized for his insensitive actions (his exact words), and of course, warmed his way right back into her heart.
After a good time at her place with him confessing he hadn’t had it this good in a while and she feeling all shades pacified and loved, he ghosted again, and the pain she felt this time around nearly crushed her, especially when she saw pictures of his wedding a few weeks later.
It’s common to feel flattered when a guy who ghosted you makes his way back. You’d be tempted to feel he probably couldn’t stop thinking of you, or that the other woman wasn’t as good and that’s why he’s come back.
At this point, quotes like
“What will be, will be.” and
“Let a man go and if he’s yours, he’ll come back to you…”
will come flying into your mind. However, you want to let your mind decide for you this time around and not get carried away by emotions.
When He Ghosts You and Comes Back: How to Act
When he comes back, here’s what experts recommend you do:
1) Find Out Why He Left
First off, you want to find out why he left, as this is the foundation upon which other decisions get built.
If he ghosted because he panicked at the way the relationship was going or there was another woman in the picture, what are the odds history won’t repeat itself?
Is he completely over that phase of his life? Does he have a stronger hold on his emotions?
These are questions you would want answers to before continuing.
2) You Need to Figure Out What He Wants
You also want to find out what he wants now that he’s back. Does he want you both to pick up right where you left off?
Has the issue that broke you up been resolved or is he still the same person he was when he left.
You also want to be sure he didn’t just miss the physical part of your relationship and wants it back.
3) Know What You Want
At this point, your happiness comes first, well above his and you want to do all to guard it.
You might want to ask yourself if you are ready to take that risk -open yourself up to be hurt again – because, in the end, no excuse he gives justifies being treated in such a disrespectful way.
Even if his reason for ghosting you is genuine and he was dealing with some tough issues, him communicating the need for you both to take some time apart, would have conveyed the love and respect he claims to have for you.
So…take some time to think this issue through to be sure going back to him is really what you want.
4) Set Some Boundaries and Let Him Win Your Trust
If, however, you decide to let bygones be bygones and start anew, you want to tread carefully.
You should set some clear boundaries and let him work to prove he is the real deal this time and should be trusted again.
Don’t go flying into his arms (even if you desperately want to). It might be a good idea for him to court you anew and try to win your trust again as he does.
5) Give It Time
Things won’t automatically go back to how they were before he left. A lot of things have been broken or at the very least, cracked and only time will bring that true healing and bonding you both need.
6) Set Things Straight With Him
If, on the other hand, you decide that ship has sailed and you really want to keep things that way, then you should let him know your stance.
You also want to do this early on so you can get some closure on this issue and move right on with your life.
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