What I Learned From Dating a Married Man | Five Women Share Their Experiences
To date a married man or not to date one? This is one sensitive area people never quite agree on.
There are always two schools of thought on this issue. On the one hand, are people who believe dating a married is a moral defect and the thought should never be entertained. On the other hand, are people who believe life happens and you can’t always choose who you fall in love with.
However, like most things in life, you should know that dating a married man comes with the good, the bad, and even the downright ugly, the same way you would find with a single guy.
Five women share their experiences dating a married man after walking that path and there’s a rich wealth of experience to garner from their stories.
“I’ve been with a few single guys and the relationships came in all shades of difference. However, with a married man, what you get is an intensity that is ten times deeper.
No matter how carefree you are, you just aren’t ready to play the second fiddle, no one is. He says you are number one, but his actions speak differently.”
The beginning is always great, but soon, the relationship reveals itself for what it truly is; an alternative life for him; a sort of escape from the monotony of his married life. What you get are the few hours he can spare and the few weekends he can sneak away.
I wanted more, believe I deserve more and so I left.”Alexis
“I wasn’t ready for the commitment of a monogamous relationship or one dating a single guy would likely metamorphosize into and so I settled for married men.”
The relationships were great and we each got what we wanted.
I got the company of a guy and some great sex and he got whatever he was looking for (hopefully).Emma
“Up until 18 months ago, I never would have considered dating a married man. I viewed life in black and white and dating a married man was something only morally bankrupt girls did.
Now, I’m in love with and have been with one for several months. I know I might not get a future with him, not with him dragging his feet about leaving his wife. For now, though, I’m contented to live in the present and accept whatever the fates bring my way.”
“I started dating a married man and lost a few of my friends who felt I was being selfish and causing his wife pain.
He was unhappy in the marriage; they both were and he was going to leave her.
However, a year later and the separation hadn’t happened. He kept coming up with reasons why it wasn’t quite the right time and she would be devastated if he left.
I started having doubts, thinking my friends were right and he was never going to leave her. It wasn’t until a few months later when I spotted his wife at the supermarket, heavily pregnant, that I realized I was being played.”Lola
“We were members of a small town drafted to oversee a small community project. We both needed to work closely together and so, spent a lot of time together.
Project completed, I expected us to go our separate ways, as I had with the others. However, he continued calling daily, carrying on like this was the norm.
Soon, I became used to his calls, even started expecting them and it didn’t come as a surprise when I noticed I was falling for him.
I knew he was married, and this was a first for me, however, I closed the door to every nagging thought that tried to claw at my heart and carried on with my lover.
Soon, words got out, as I expected they would. It was a small town after all.
A few weeks later, I got mugged on my way back from work. My attacker took my phone, but I soon realized this was no ordinary mugging as I was beaten blue and ending up with a few broken ribs and a concussion.
I got to realize this was no accident, as It had happened a few times. Yes, my married boyfriend was a serial cheat and his partners always end up getting “mugged”.
To worsen things, my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blues via a text, no explanation offered. I felt used and humiliated.
I could have pressed charges against his wife, but I was already feeling guilty about the whole thing; I had invaded her territory and taken what belonged to her and so, decided to let things lie low.
I learned a valuable lesson from this incident though, and that is the fact dating a married man is playing a dangerous game, and some players play a dirty game. This is one path I won’t be taking again.”Fay
6 Things You Should Know About Dating a Married Man
Every relationship comes with its set of challenges, however, dating a married man takes these challenges to a slightly different level.
If you are considering this type of relationship, then here are a few facts you should know to better help you prepare for it.
1) You Are Never a Priority
This man already has a significant other and most likely there are also kids in the picture.
Since men are family-oriented, if it ever comes down to choosing between you and his family, you probably would lose.
Unless he already was done with the relationship and made up his mind to leave, you would need to bring something a little extra to the table to be picked over his family.
2) He’s Into This for Himself
Research has shown that some of the top reasons men cheat include:
- Having a partner who becomes wrapped up in the kids and ignores them.
- Needing some excitement if the sex has become somewhat stale.
- It’s fun and he believes she won’t find out.
- He’s become bored with his marriage.
- She let herself go.
In all of these cases, there’s the “me” factor screaming loudly. What we see is a man looking out for himself and on the lookout for some fun and excitement.
Unless you meet a man and you both fall in love, chances are all you would be to him is a temporary fix or an escape plan.
3) There’s Some Guilt
No matter how the situation plays out, there’s likely to always be that small inkling of guilt that never seems to go away.
4) You Have to Play by The Rules
There are rules to dating a married man. You can’t just turn up at his home or leave some personal belongings behind. There’s a place for all you both (you and the wife) and you especially would have to stick to yours. Trying to compete with his wife or demand a little more recognition might be digging a hole for yourself.
He also would be unable to spend certain holidays with you since he has to be with his family.
It might get worse as you would both need to sneak around to spend some quality time together, intent on not getting caught.
These cloak and dagger moves can take their toll on you and your sense of worth over time.
5) He May Never Leave His Wife
Only very few men leave their wives to be with their mistress and you have to accept this. Most men would never risk losing their comfortable life, home, and money in the long run.
Most of these relationships don’t have a future, if you want one you would have to think this through.
6) Your Reputation Could Take a Hit
There’s the general belief that only a morally bankrupt girl would choose to date a married man. Not many people stop to think that there are instances where it is the only option or even an ideal one, like when his significant other gets committed for life or that sometimes this life chooses you and not the other way around.
Your family and close friends might support your decision, but you shouldn’t expect much love and acceptance outside of this circle.