Recently, the rape story of Busola Dokola, wife of top Nigeria celebrity musician, hit the internet. A lot of people were aghast at the news, especially as her alleged rapist is a another well-known face in the religious sector, Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.
Busola accused pastor Fatoyinbo of raping her over a decade ago when she was just a teenager of seventeen. Also, not only did he rape her, but the sordid incident happened three times in different locations.
After the initial shock that greeted Busola Dakolo’s revelation, then came the mixed reaction. While a few people are of the opinion she’s a brave woman to have kept such a sordid incident buried for so long, a few others opined her rape story didn’t add up and that she was only accusing Pastor Fatoyinbo to gain more publicity for herself and her husband.
While this rape incident drags on (and hopefully it ends soon) one thing it has succeeded in doing so far is give voices to a lot of other women who sadly, have also been victims of rape.
Rape is more prevalent in our society than is let on and sadly, a lot of women who get raped keep this dark incident buried for fear of being blamed or stigmatized.
It’s not uncommon in this part of the world to hear people ask ” What was she putting on?” when they get the news of the women been raped. A few others would also suggest the woman might have in one way or the other encouraged the man’s actions.
To avoid this stigmatization, most rape victims keep mute about the incident, resulting in their rapist walking free.
Rape facts or statistics are very shocking and some would leave you speechless.
Did You Know that:
- An estimated 93% of all reported rape cases are varied out by people known to the victim. 59% by friends or acquaintances and 34% by family members and this includes fathers, uncles and cousins.
- A large number of these cases for unreported due to fear of stigmatization. Report puts this figure at 91.9% and only a meager 8-9% get reported.
- The fear that comes upon the victim after getting raped and over 42% of these victims fear getting raped a second time and would even expect it to happen.
- Sadly, a few of these women go on to experience rape a second time; an estimated one third do.
- Rape survivors have a very high likelihood (13 times more) of attempting suicide than persons who have never been raped.
- While rape happens in every corner of the world, the incident is more prevalent in some nations and some of these include:
- United States of America
- South Africa
- Over 2,516,918 rape cases have been reported in Canada.
- Over 60% of women in Ethiopia have experienced one form of rape violence or the other.
- There’s an average of 85,000 rape cases annually in the UK.
- 65,000 rape cases were reported in South Africa in 2012.
- Male get raped too in the US, although only 9% of reported cases happen to men.
- A rapist can sue for custody and visitation in 31 states.
- 60% of rape cases against prison inmates are done by the prison’s staff.
- An estimated 32,000 women fall pregnant from rape each year.
My Near-rape Experience
In 2003 while still at the university, I had a close call with rape.
Two years before that, I met a guy who took a liking to me and wanted me to date him, but for one reason or the other I couldn’t see myself agreeing.
Fast forward to two years and a lot of persistence later and I agreed to visit him for the first time.
I don’t know if this was pre-planned, but he locked the door as soon as I entered and dropped the keys in his boxers.
I became scared and upset, wanting to leave and he told me to come get the keys if I wanted to leave. I tried screaming but a strong palm went over my mouth and I found myself pinned down.
A struggle ensued and realizing I was no match for his strength, I changed tactics and began to plead. He told me I would enjoy it and to relax, then I started crying.
I managed to escape from under him and a chase around the room started with me begging to be released.
Then, all of a sudden, he stopped chasing , opened the door and asked me to leave.
My would-be rapist had had a change of heart.
I didn’t believe it at first, and it took him repeating it a second time before I fled past him with the speed of light. I didn’t want him to change his mind.
Till date, I never can say what brought about the change of heart, but I’m glad it came.
How to Avoid Getting Raped
Although there is no 100% foolproof way to prevent rape, knowing these tips can help you avoid getting raped:
1.Never visit a new acquaintance of the opposite sex alone. Always go in the company of one or more friends. While this is no foolproof protection, it can to an extent, dissuade any would-be rapist.
2.Never attend a party you aren’t sure of or one you don’t know a few of the attendees.
3.Never leave your drinks unattended at a party or anywhere else. While most times you might go with your drink untouched, there just might be that unlucky time when it could get tampered with.
A few ladies have had a drug (Rohypnol) called a rape drug placed in their drinks with the perpetrator going on to carry out his ulterior motives.
4.Drink responsibly if you are by yourself at a party. Getting drunk at a party when you are by yourself may not be a very smart thing to do.
5.Always listen to your instincts. As women, we’ve got really strong inbuilt radar that can detect when something is off. If it tells you a person, place, or situation is unsafe, then you might just want to listen to it to avoid the unpleasant.
6.Do not reveal too much personal information on social media.
7.Go slow with your date and never reveal too much at a time.
8.Always keep your phone charged and close by when at a party. Let someone know beforehand as you leave for the party and have that person on speed dial.
9.Do not walk lonely parts alone, especially at night.
10.Get trained in a few self defence skills to keep you safe .
11.Always go with a few devices like a pepper spray or a taser to disarm a would-be rapist.
12.Although most rapists don’t fit into a particular profile, you could also limit the possibilities by avoiding the company of people with questionable qualities or past or people known to be violent.
13.If you have to work in a lonely place, ensure you go in the company of a few colleagues.
14.Always go about with a whistle on your person and use when you suspect anything unusual.
15.Do not let anyone unto your home if they make you uncomfortable.