9 Post-breakup Mistakes Women Make and Why You Should Avoid Them
Most of us have had that one breakup that nearly shattered us. Before it, we used to pride ourselves on being able to weather any storm, then it happened – sometimes out of the blue – and we found ourselves shaken to the very core.
All breakups are hard, especially if you were very much invested in the relationship or if you were broken up with and this is what pushes us to make those little mistakes that end up becoming big hurdles on our paths.
There are some very common post-breakup mistakes women make. You want to know what they are so you know to avoid them because most times all they do is put paid to any chance of you and your ex ever getting back together.
Here are
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9 Common Post-Breakup Mistakes Women Make and Why You Should Avoid Them
1) Beating Yourself Up Over the Breakdown of the Relationship
Not all relationships are destined to end with you both at the altar. Some happens just so you can learn a lesson or two and others will just because you needed the companionship at the time.
If you understand and accept this fact, you will be a lot less harder on yourself when the relationship ends.
Why You Should Avoid This Post-Breakup Mistake
Beating yourself up over every breakup is being unfair to yourself. This is putting undue pressure on ourselves to make every relationship work, even if it clearly was the wrong one.
Yeah, some breakups might happen due to unconscious faults of ours, however, you are better off trying to learn from and correct these mistakes than throwing a pity party.
2) Stalking Your Ex
Top on the list of post-breakup mistakes to avoid is stalking your ex.
Understandably that this desire would be quite strong for a few weeks after the breakup, however, here are a few dangers to this habit:
– Stalking your ex leaves you stuck on a spot. What you should be doing instead – what’s best for you at this point – is trying to heal from all the hurt and pain and checking up on your ex’s every move will counter this.
– Seeing your ex obviously move on will hurt a great deal. It will make you wonder if they ever did love you and if the breakup even hurt them in any way.
– It’s worse if your ex blocks you on all social media platforms. This would obviously feel like salt being rubbed into an injury, making you sink further into depression.
Why You Should Avoid This Mistake
Doing so is having yourself go round in a merry-go-round of hurt. What you should be doing instead, is making the conscious effort to move on.
Your ex blocking you on all social platforms wasn’t done out of spite but was to give them a clean slate to move on and you should be doing the same.
You should remove everything that reminds you of them, including returning gifts and tearing up loved-up pictures if need be.
3) Begging Your Ex to Take You Back
Whatever you do, YOU DO NOT WANT TO EVER BEG YOUR EX TO TAKE YOU BACK. EVER.
I had to put that in caps to show just how important this tip is.
If you do this, you will hate yourself when you look back a few months later, after all that hurt and pain has passed. The feeling will be worse if your ex turned you down over and over again.
When you beg your ex to take you back, you put them in a precarious situation where they either have to take you back out of pity (and you don’t want that) or keep turning you down.
Even if you both still have feelings for each other, a more respectful way to handle the situation would be to give them some space ( this increases the likelihood of you both coming back together).
Why You Should Never Make This Mistake
This is one relationship breakup mistake that does the opposite of what it was intended to do; it will drive your ex further away while making you feel all the worse.
4) Picking Up Self-harming Habits
Alcohol never solved any problem, and neither did drug abuse and all other such harmful habits people are known to pick up after a breakup.
Why You Should Avoid This Post-breakup Mistake
No one ever made any smart choices with their senses dulled from drinking. What you should do instead, is surround yourself with friends who will be there for you at this low point in your life and also help you heal a lot faster.
5) Going on a Rebound
A rebound will feel good in the beginning and some people even claim it’s the fastest way to get over a breakup.
However, because you are still hung up over your ex, here are a few reasons why this move most often fails:
– You aren’t giving the new relationship a chance to start on a clean slate. Most often than not, you aren’t with this new guy because you like them, but because they are available to be used (as harsh as that sounds) to get over your ex.
– You still have mixed feelings for your ex and most definitely these will present in the new relationship. Since you can’t see your ex to vent the anger you feel deep within, there will be moments when you lash out at the new guy. Too much of this and the relationship will sink.
– A rebound relationship is you putting too much strain on your heart. It is yet to heal, yet here you are sending it on another love journey, one it most definitely isn’t equipped to handle at the moment.
Why You Should Avoid This Mistake
You want to because it mostly always fails and because your heart deserves better.
6) Being Too Available
Whoever coined the statement:
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” knew a thing or two about what they were saying.
The worse thing you can do is be too available if your ex does decide to reach out.
This is not advocating you play a mind game, however, if you continued with your life after your ex left, he wouldn’t find you sitting gloomy and eagerly awaiting his call when he does decide to reach out.
After the breakup, you want to keep busy; pick up a side project, hang out with friends, or start a blog (if that’s your thing), that way you don’t appear like your life ended just because he left you.
Why You Should Avoid This Post-breakup Mistake
You don’t want to appear like being with your ex was all there was to you. This sends the wrong image of you and could even make you a tad bit less appealing to your ex.
While everyone needs someone, no one wants a person who isn’t whole and needs someone else to complete them.
7) Dating Your Ex Friend
Doing this would be shooting yourself in the foot. This would not in any way spite your ex and if his intentions toward you weren’t genuine to start with, you would have played right into his hands.
There are still guys who take some sick pride in passing around a lady.
Not saying this is the case, but you don’t want to be one of such statistics and a topic during their round-table discussion.
Why You Should Avoid This Mistake
Because you deserve better. While love can find us anywhere, you don’t want to set yourself up to be a plaything.
8) Reaching Out to Him from Time to Time
Just like stalking him, reaching out to your ex from time to time is winding back the hand of time on your healing.
This would be the equivalent of taking two steps forward and three back.
Every time you reach out, you undo whatever progress you have made on your healing and it would take a much longer time to get over him.
Why You Should Avoid This Relationship Breakup Mistake
It leaves you in a rut, neither healed nor back together. If your ex was missing you, they would get their fill of you each time you reached out without them having to get back together and this is one spot you don’t want to be in.
9) Hating All Men
One bad apple doesn’t make the whole lot bad. One guy hurting you doesn’t mean every man is bad.
As a wise saying goes, if you closed your eyes to keep from seeing the bogeyman, you would also miss the gift fairy (if you believe he exists) when he passes.
Why You Should Avoid This Relationship Breakup Mistake
Love doesn’t always happen the way we envisage and sometimes we need one wrong door shut so another can open.
Conclusion
These are some of the most common post-breakup mistakes women make. Making them doesn’t make you any less of a person. However, you want to learn from each one, even if they weren’t made by you, that way you grow to be a stronger women able to hold healthier relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions About Post-breakup Mistakes
What should you not do after a breakup?
A few post-breakup mistakes exist, and some of the worse ones include begging your ex repeatedly for a second chance, picking up a few self-destructive habits, planning revenge, or going on a rebound relationship.
These relationship breakup mistakes women make will do a lot of harm not just to your self-esteem, but possibly to you physically, making it a lot harder for you to heal and move on.
Who feels worse after a breakup?
Most people believe women feel the pain more during a breakup, however, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. In most cases, both parties feel the pain equally, men are just more adept at hiding their pain.
In some cases, however, the partner who was more invested in the relationship emotionally might feel the heat of the breakup more.
What is the hardest part of a breakup?
The hardest part of a breakup is letting go of the future you had planned and trying to live your life without your partner.
You would also need to slowly let go of the memories and good times, which can take some time.
Why is silence powerful after breakup?
Going silent after a breakup can be a powerful way to create room for a comeback.
Silence is sending a clear message to your ex that you are strong and resilient.
It is also giving you both ample room and space to think through the breakup problem, see objectively what went wrong, and determine if that bridge can be mended.
How long you should stay silent would depend on a few things, like what caused the breakup and if you are healed sufficiently to face it head on.
How do I stop overthinking after a breakup?
The natural reaction to a breakup is to want to isolate yourself and walk through each phase of the relationship in your head. If you aren’t careful, you’ll find yourself doing this over and over and sinking deeper into despair.
Instead, you want to surround yourself with people. Each time you feel the need to lock yourself up and give in to the tears welling inside is when you should push yourself to be around people.
You don’t even have to communicate much if you don’t feel like it, however, having people in your space all the time will it give less room for overthinking and the problems it brings.
What is the best thing to do after a breakup?
The best thing to do after a breakup is to be proactive. Here you want to be real as this would be the fastest way to heal.
You and your partner had your lives intertwined at some point and wishing that would all go away overnight is wishful thinking.
The loss of a relationship is like the physical loss of a loved one and you should follow the right path to healing.
You want to give yourself time to heal, but only so long. You don’t want to spend three months grieving a fellow who is likely in another relationship.
Once your grieving time elapses, you should be strict in putting all the memories behind you and trying to get the pieces of your life back together.
Tags: breakup healing tips, post-breakup mistakes women make, getting over a breakup