How to Tell You are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
An emotionally abusive relationship is never your fault. It’s his problem, not yours and you can heal from the pain and hurt it brings.
Sometime ago on twitter a girl posted a pic with one of her brows shaved off and captured the it:
“My boyfriend shaved one of my eyebrows off after some guy at the club last night complimented me. Says if I’m gonna be his girlfriend I have to look less attractive. Thank God I love him. He’s only jealous because he loves me.”
The picture instantly went viral, (but not for the right reasons) with a lot of people dropping their opinions on the act. There were comments of people calling her less than bright and I couldn’t help but agree with this view.
Like this girl, quite a number of women in emotionally abusive relationship are unaware they are in one and men can usually get aware with treating them bad. This happens because this is what they are used to and know no different.
Also, emotional abuse, unlike physical one, is usually more subtle and can go on for years before the victim even catches on they are being abused.
The perpetrator most times, doesn’t come on strong, however, the abuse still comes, little by little in the forms of little criticisms here, some belittling and ridiculing there and then escalates to insulting, name-calling and threats.
If you’re ever in doubt if your relationship is healthy or emotionally abusive, there usually ate telltale signs that will clear away these doubts.
So here are some signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:
11 Signs You are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
1.He’s Insanely or excessively jealous and wants you around all the time.
When you are not around, he monitors you with calls and messages; want to know who you’re with and what you are doing.
2.He’s very controlling, wanting to dictate where you go and who whose gonna be there.
He calls to confirm if you truly got there. This might seem sweat and make him come across as really caring, but soon, this attitude shows for what it truly is; signs of a potential emotionally abusive partner.
3.He tries to isolate you from friends and families.
This also starts off gradual; of course, he wants to spend more time with you and this happens so often that you find yourself spending less and less time with your family or friends.
He could also limit or put a complete stop to your presence on social media as he feels these will be a bad influence to you. When he ‘let’ you keep your social media platforms, he heavily regulates what you put out there, so much so, you come to accept you are better off letting these platforms go.
4.He’s verbally and emotionally abusive as a way of controlling you.
He withholds love and affection from you as he feels your craving for it would make you stick with him.
He knows love and affection are two strong needs of any woman and he controls how he dishes this out as a way to keep you wanting more and staying glued to him.
5.He constantly humiliates and puts you down in public and when you are alone.
This might be done in very little ways; subtle enough that they can be overlooked, but the fact is these put-downs and belittling come so often, you start to doubt your own opinion and self.
6.He gives you ultimatums and constantly guilt-trips you into doing what he wants.
He’s fond of going you ultimatums; you have to do things a certain way (even if it clearly isn’t the way you want) if you want the relationship to work.
He also makes you feel guilty for certain decisions you take, guilty enough that you end up giving up the decisions.
7.Every problem in the relationship is your fault and you have to make up for it by ‘earning’ his forgiveness.
Your partner doesn’t see any of the problems in the relationship as his fault; every issue happened because you didn’t do things a certain way or did them that way.
With that, comes the resulting ‘victim’ act and you have to earn his forgiveness before this can go back to the way they were.
8.He’s hyper critical of you and refuses to communicate when something goes wrong.
He gets moody and you ask for hours on end what the problem is. However, you have to guess what the issue is and when, by some stroke of psychic ability, you are able to, you have to go ahead to make things better all by yourself.
9.He engages in extremely provocative behavior with other girls just to make you jealous.
He uses their pics on social media or any other platforms all the time, and not just in a platonic way, but in one that’s provocative and questionable. He does this to make you jealous, believing this will make you sit up and hold onto him the more.
10.He tells mean jokes about you and constantly makes fun of you.
He says he means no harm, but the jokes are so mean, you end up feeling belittled.
11.He makes you feel like he’s doing you a favour dating you and tells you no one else would want you.
He makes you believe he’s got a chain of hot girls after him and you should feel grateful he’s with you instead.
He may also try to make you believe no one else would want you and you should feel grateful he’s with you.
What to Do If You Discover You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
1.Walk Out of the Relationship
If you notice any of these signs, don’t feel you have to remain in that relationship. Trust yourself and leave; this will be the first step towards leaving.
Do not try to make excuses for him or his behaviours. You deserve to be happy and you owe it to yourself to make that happen.
Take a walk without looking back and focus on healing from the damage of the emotional abuse you’ve received.
2.Talk to Trusted Friends
Also, you could talk to trusted friends and family and get them to counsel you while you slowly build back your confidence.
While you talk, you’ll be surprised to find your friends were aware of the toxic relationship all along and were all waiting for when you would see it yourself and do the right thing.
Surround yourself with these caring friends and soon, you will find the hurt and scars start to fade.
If you’re feeling stuck, then you might want go consider counselling to get past that pain. Seek out professional or group counselling until you feel completely healed.
4.Give It Time
Give it time. Time heals all wounds and yours won’t be an exception. Do not expect to get back to yourself in one day or even a month. Take it one day at a time and enjoy each as you do so.
Forgive yourself. It was no fault of yours your partner was an abuser. You didn’t make them that way, so you definitely shouldn’t take the blame for it.
Get the knowledge you need to avoid abusive relationships from then on. Learn the signs to look out for so you know to flee when you see them again.
Lastly, know there’s that man out there who will love you and treat you like the queen you are, so don’t settle.
While women are most tines the victims of emotionally abusive relationships, this advice also applies to men who find themselves in such relationships. If you cannot work things out, then leaving would be the best option. There’s a world of good out there for everyone, you just have to reach out and get it.