Breakups are the pits and anyone who has gone through one knows how delibitating they can be. You feel like your whole world has come crashing and the sense of loss it brings is so profound you feel like dying, literarily.
Love is a beautiful feeling, but sadly, like most things in life, it sometimes comes to an end. A relationship that started out so great with two people who seemed like they were made for each other, may suddenly go south with one partner initiating a breakup.
My very first breakup was quite tough on me. I couldn’t believe that level of pain existed and that any one person could go through it. It also didn’t help finding out my partner never had any love for me.
The pain that accompanied this breakup immobilized me as I became somewhat less useful to myself for several months.
I have gone through a few more breakups and borne the heartbreaks bravely, and with each one, I have learnt a thing or two and come out stronger on the other side.
One of the things I learnt though, was that no matter how beautiful a relationship is and how in love you both are, some relationships are not meant to be and sooner or later, you guys will breakup.
This singular notion has helped me lots and when I enter a new relationship, I focus on enjoying the present, putting in my best, and letting fate take its course.
I see a lot of people who still take each relationship as a do-or-die affair and go to a million pieces if the breakup occurs.
I feel I should state though that preparing your mind for the inevitable (that’s if it happens) doesn’t shield you from the pain if a breakup does occur. This is because the part of the brain responsible for physical pain also gets affected by breakups.
However, one advantage you have when your mind is prepared is that you are better equipped to handle the breakup if it does actually occur. Also, each breakup pain doesn’t cut as deep as the previous.
Like the popular heartbreak song by Sheryl Crow:
“The first cut is the deepest”
Subsequent breakup pain don’t run as deep.
It also gets all the more easier managing each breakup or heartbreak if you come to understand what you’re going through.
Like other kinds of grief, a breakup also happens in stages, and learning to recognize each will help you get over the pain faster.
Stages of a Breakup
Each breakup happen six stagess with each of these spanning moments, days, weeks, or even months.
Here are the stages or emotions you can expect to feel with each breakup:
First Stage: Shock
This happens mostly if your partner initiated the breakup.
I have done my fair share of breaking up, but I remember a partner breaking up with me once. As soon as he voiced the end of the relationship, I quietly picked up my bag and left.
The words he just uttered didn’t seem real to me. It felt so surreal and unbelievable that I didn’t take him serious.
It took him not contacting me for a week and not taking my calls before it dawned on me he meant those words.
Shock is an apt stage in a relationship breakup. Knowing what the breakup spells for us ahead, its our own psychological or emotional defence against the pain coming.
However, over time, the truth hits us and we come to realize the relationship is truly over.
Second Stage: Denial
With realization comes denial. We know the relationship is over, but we find it hard to accept this.
How could someone who once professed such undying love suddenly claim they no longer love or want to be with us?
Its a fact your heart and mind refuse to accept and you carry on like the relationship still exists, until your ex takes strict measures to implement the new relationship status.
Third Stage: Anger
The next stage of emotion in your breakup journey is anger.
You are in pains and with this comes intense anger directed towards your partner. How dare he make you go through this level of pain? Who does he think he is and what right does he think he has to end the relationship?
You are in so much pain and its only logical you direct your anger at the person you deem responsible for your pain.
Fourth Stage: Bargaining
Sometimes, the pain becomes too much to bear and you are willing to do anything to make it go away.
You reach out to your ex and promise to change, become a ‘better’ version of yourself if he would only end the breakup.
You promise to do anything: lose weight, become more domestic, spend time with him, or drop a habit you feel he doesn’t like. You feel you changing certain aspects of yourself will make him want to be with you again.
Fifth Stage: Depression
Most times, your attempt at bargaining fails and this is when it dawns on you the relationship is truly over.
You come to realize your partner is truly over you or if he isn’t quite there yet, he has at least moved on.
While you wouldn’t want to, you remain stuck in that dark place, simply because you still care for your partner.
Also, it would be a little less easy for you to move on as your partner did the breaking up. From experience, it is known that the partner on the receiving end of a breakup gets affected the most.
You fall into depression, isolating yourself from the rest of the world and withdrawing from things or activities that were once a part of your scedule.
Sixth Stage: Acceptance
This is the final stage of a breakup and comes when you come to fully accept the relationship is over and understand that it takes two to make a relationship work.
You come to the understanding that the breakup was mostly due to you both not being compatible and not necessarily because you are internally flawed or didn’t do things a certain way.
At this stage, you can move on, heal, and prepare yourself to meet someone else in future.
How to Get Over a Breakup Really Fast
The above listed stages of a breakup usually take several months for some people.
In my case, it took me well over three years to get over my first breakup. I wish I’d gotten to know about ways to get over the breakup faster as I wouldn’t have been stuck there for that long.
Here are Eight Ways to Get Over a Breakup Really Fast
1. Cry It Out
A relationship breakup is painful and you will feel the pain intensely most of the time.
When his happens, its always best to give in to your emotions and cry. You are after all, human and no one would expect you to be stronger than you should be.
Also, crying has been known to be thereupeutic and it will help lighten the load in your heart.
However, you shouldn’t resign to crying and spend several months pinning and crying over the loss of the relationship. Its always best to give yourself a timeframe to mourn the loss of the relationship and then buckle up tight after that time elaspses.
2. Remove Every Thing that Reminds You of Him
While dating, you and your ex would have exchanged pictures and gifts, or built up memories that tied you as a couple.
The first course of action in healing from the breakup is usually to purge your life of everything that reminds or ties you to him.
Give away gifts he gave you and return pictures to him. Anything that can’t be given out should be destroyed (harsh as this sounds, its usually in your best interest to do so).
With nothing around to remind you of your him, you’ll find getting over him becomes a little easier.
Read Also: When Love Isn’t Enough….
3. Cut All Ties on Social Media
You might have to go a step further in your breakup purge and unfollow him on every social media platform.
You don’t want to wake up one morning, log into Facebook and find notifications of him getting married. This would only make you relapse and move you deeper into depression.
4. Resist the Urge to Stay Friends
If your ex reaches out with an offer to stay friends immediately after the breakup, politely but firmly tell him that wouldn’t be a good idea as it would slow you both from fully healing and moving on.
Becoming friends much later when the hurt, pain, and baggage is completely gone is never a problem, but nine times out of ten, doing so immediately never works.
5. Talk to a Trusted Friend
If you’re finding it hard to get on with your life, you should consider talking to a trusted friend.
Most times, unburdening our hearts brings a little relief and peace, even if the problem isn’t immediately resolved.
6. Begin a Project or a Workout Routine
Being idle will only make you think and dwell on the past, which would be counter productive to your healing.
You should consider throwing yourself into a workout routine or starting a project.
Occupying yourself this way will give you very little time to think and you’d likely be left too tired at the end of the day to pin over the breakup.
7. Resist the Urge to Rebound with Another Guy
From research, most rebound relationships never work and you’d possibly end up with another breakup and more baggage.
As tempting as it may be, resist the urge to rebound and instead take the time to truly get over all the hurt and baggage.
8. Be Honest with Yourself and Learn From the Breakup
Every relationship is like a mini course and if we are truthful and focused, we can learn a thing or two from it.
These tips can make us better and we also know what to accept or avoid in future relationships.