How to Console a Woman Who Has Miscarried
Knowing how to console a woman who has miscarried is one skill that will always come in handy.
I got a call from a friend who I hadn’t heard from in some weeks. She had sad news to share and it was quite disheartening. She’d just had a miscarriage and was broken.
What made her news all the more heartbreaking is the fact that she had been TTCing for over five years. She finally got her heart desire only for the pregnancy to end up in a miscarriage.
I listened to her cry over the phone, at a loss for what to say to her. How do you console a person who just experienced a miscarriage never haven experienced one myself?
She went on about how the miscarriage was her fault and how she could have prevented it if she’d been more careful.
Thankfully, I know a thing or two about miscarriages from extensive research and quickly pointed out to her that 15 – 20% of all known pregnancies end in miscarriages through absolutely no fault of the mother or father.
An estimated 90% of these miscarriages occur due to chromosomal abnormalities, where the fertilised egg is unable to thrive or survive.
Simply put, this occurs when a vital portion of the chromosomal DNA is missing, comes in excess, or is irregular, the result of which is a pregnancy that fails to thrive and gets expelled from the body.
Thankfully, I was able to convince her sufficiently to clear her doubt.
After the call, I did some findings on how to console a women who just had a miscarriage and these are some helpful tips I got.
How to Console a Woman Who Has Miscarried
1. Allow Her Grieve
Losing a pregnancy you have likely bonded with will be hard on anyone. The pain has been likened to that of losing a physical baby.
You should show empathy as best you can and allow her grieve the loss of the child she would never know.
Be there for her if she feels like crying and offer a listening ear if she wants to talk. Understand also that she might talk about the pregnancy as though it was already a physical child, especially if it was well advanced. Try not to freak out or do not show it if you are.
Understand that the more she lets out, the lesser the pain and soon it would be a thing of the past.
2. Make Her Understand What Happened Wasn’t Her Fault.
Like my friend, a lot of women who experience miscarriages blame themselves for it. You have to make her understand that miscarriages are quite common and sometimes can’t be stopped.
If a baby wasn’t well-formed, it most likely will come down.
You might find yourself repeating this fact a few times before it actually sinks in
However long it takes, try not to become frustrated; keep trying to convince her and soon, she will come to accept it.
Encourage Her to Go for a D&C if Needed
While most miscarriages will happen naturally over the course of a few weeks with the content of the uterus completely expelled, a few won’t.
When this happens, some tissue or blood will likely remain in the uterus, increasing the risk of an infection.
You should encourage her to go for an ultrasound and to proceed on a D&C if the womb is not completely emptied.
A D&C will also ensure the bleeding stops on time, that way she can get back to her life and heal completely from the pain.
4. Teach Her to be Patient
Physical healing after a miscarriage takes a few days to a few weeks, after which your period returns.
Emotional healing on the other hand, takes a bit longer for some women and could span a few weeks, more in some cases.
Encourage her to be patient with herself and to completely grieve the loss of her baby without the need to “act” strong. She should take the healing process a step at a time and go at a pace that’s comfortable for her.
She should take as much rest as is possible and not try to force her body to be ready before it fully is.
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5.Encourage Her to Go for a Checkup a Few Weeks Afterwards
Some women go on to have a healthy life after the miscarriage, however, for a few others one or more complications might set in.
One or more women who have experienced a miscarriage report coming down with an infection after the whole incident. To guard against this, you should encourage your friend to go for a checkup a few weeks after the ordeal so she gets the corresponding treatment, if needed.
6.Encourage Her to Try Again as Soon as She Feels Physically Ready
While she might feel anxious, even scared to get pregnant again, she should try to if she wants.
Also, make her understand that most miscarriages never reoccur and women who have experienced them go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies.
However, if she feels too anxious to try, she could find out what led to her first miscarriage so she knows to avoid it. She should also work with her doctor who will monitor her to guide against any such reoccurrence.