Recently, I read the story of a lady who had been in a relationship with her man for seven and the half year. They met while in school, fell in love,and continued all the way to seven years.
The relationship is going great, but where things get a little dicey is that the guy is not quite ready to commit yet. He hopes to get a steady job and attain some level of financial stability before settling down. Currently, he has a low-paying job and is also pursuing his Masters Programme for two years.
The lady in question is in her thirties and looking to settle down. She feels since both of them are in love and have been together for a while, they should plan towards settling down.
She put this thought across to him and his response shocked her; he gently told her to move on if she saw someone who was serious about her.
As though happening in the movies, another guy appears. This new guy seems interested in her and tells her of his plans to settle down within a year.
She puts this across to her boyfriend who again told her to go ahead. Now she’s hurt beyond words and also confused. She doesn’t want to leave a relationship she has heavily invested emotionally into.
How Long is Too Long to Wait for a Person?
In this lady’s shoes, would you continue to wait for the first guy, bearing in mind that he has a two-year course ahead of him and may not get his dream job immediately? Or would you go with the new guy?
What Experts Advise
Quite a number of relationship experts attribute men’s inability or unwillingness to commit largely to the woman in their lives.
They state that a lot of men know where a relationship is heading in just a month of being with their partner and by accepting his not committing to you after an extensive period of being together, you are actually enabling and teaching him that he can get away with not committing to you.
In this vein, he will do just so much to keep you around, but wouldn’t quite commit to you.
They went further to clarify that this doesn’t neccessarily mean these men aren’t great men (as most often are) or they don’t love their partners, it just mean they don’t have to take the relationship to the next level.
So to guard against wasting your time on a relationship that most likely won’t proceed beyond where it is, they proposed these:
Four Tips to Avoid a Commitment-Phobic Man
Tell Him the Kind of Relationship You Want from the Start
Upon meeting a man and you both discover a mutual attraction, tell him the kind of relationship you want.
If you want a long term, exclusive relationship with the likelihood of ending in marriage, you should tell him this and be sure you are both on the same page before going ahead.
A lot of women fear they would come across as desperate if they did this, but it really is a case of you being honest and laying your cards on the table. Besides, better to be labelled desperate, than to spend a long time in a relationship that was never meant to be more than a fling.
Listen to What He Says
A few guys might hide their true intentions and agree with what you what if they truly like you and want you in their lives. However, liking you doesn’t necessarily translate to wanting to commit to you.
You should listen to his words to ascertain what he really wants.
Watch His Actions
Like his words, a commitment-phobic man’s actions will also give him away. If he professes undying love for you but you are yet to meet the people that matter in his life six months into the relationship, this should raise a red flag that you might want to look into.
Have a Timeframe
You should give yourself a timeframe, after which you move on. It could be six months or a year, but doing so will help you not stay put in a relationship that’s likely not going to benefit you both.