Breakup Lines: Some Funny Ones that Will Crack You Up
Some breakup lines are so hilarious, you’ll be lucky not to keel over from
laughter when you hear them, so long as you’re not the victim in the story.
Breakups are bad, and some are just downright nasty. I’ve had a few breakups myself, but one that left a bitter pill in my mouth happened when I was 24.
My ex woke up one fine morning and texted saying he wanted out (yea, he didn’t even have the decency to breakup in person).
My world crashed. I was devastated and it also didn’t help that he gave a laughable reason for ending things.
Here’s the really funny (although it wasn’t so at the time) reason he gave for breaking up with me:
“I met with a pastor who says we are incompatible. If we get married, we will be happy for a while, then spend the rest of our lives sad.”
Seriously? A prophesy? You ended a relationship of three years (filled with love, sacrifice, and friendship all because of a prophesy? (which, I might add, most likely wasn’t true).
That was one of the most absurd breakup lines I’d ever heard and while I can laugh over it right now, it definitely wasn’t funny then.
I’ve heard some other pretty ‘amazing’ breakup lines and didn’t know if I should laugh when I heard them or feel sorry for the receiver.
Some Breakup Lines that Stood Out for Me
Hear are some that shocked the bejesus out of me:
“I am the first son of the family and it’s expected I marry from my tribe (this coming after five years of dating.)”
“This is the second year we’ve been having unprotected sex and you haven’t for once taken in. I need a fertile woman in my life. (Huh!)”
“I can’t stand that fact that you chew popcorn loudly whenever we see a movie. It just goes to show you aren’t a well-organized person.”
“You are too perfect for me. I need a real man.”
“I have vowed to only get married to the last son of the family.”
“Our dog barks whenever he sees you. I’m guessing there’s something he sees that I don’t.”
“I realize I’ve gone far from God and need to retrace my steps to Him and I need to be single to do so.”
“I cheated on you with so and so (this is meant to make them so angry they initiate the break-up themselves.”
“I just wish you had insisted on keeping that baby when I suggested an abortion (No, he didn’t!)”
“Although I love you crazily, but if you find another guy who wants to get married to you I think you should accept.”
“I was hospitalized and you had to wait all of 24 hours before checking up on me. This just goes to show I’m not a priority in your life (okay, this breakup line seems a bit reasonable, but listening to an explanation still wouldn’t be out of order here).
There are so many more breakup lines people give and continue to give in relationships. However, the good thing is, while it’d be painful, even devastating at the time it happened, if you give it a few months to a few years, the pain will disappear and you will actually look back to that day and laugh over how the whole incident went or wonder why on earth you fell apart when it did, I know I do.
How to Get Over a Breakup Fast
Okay, the thing is, if a guy gives you such a ridiculous reason for wanting to end things with you, chances are he is a douche (strike that, he is a douche) and you deserve better.
If you are at this point in your life where you’ve been broken up with so unceremoniously, you should know that most things aren’t permanent and that pain that seems like it will consume you right now will eventually disappear.
However, you can get over the breakup really fast if you follow these proven steps that have worked time and time again.
Here are Six of Such Proven Steps to Get Over a Nasty Breakup Fast
1.Cry as Much as You Want
Crying doesn’t mean you’re weak. If anything, it takes a strong person to give into and show their pain and you are going through a lot right now. So cry if you want and you’ll find you’ll feel lighter.
2.Do Away with Everything That Reminds You of Him
And this includes pictures, gifts and even movie clips you saw together (you might want to stop viewing these for a while).
Return items of his still in your possession and ask that he sends yours over.
3.Block All Contacts for At Least Three Months
To get over the breakup, you will need to not just purge him from your system, but also block all avenues that will bring you both together and these include social media, WhatsApp and any other such media. You would need to do this for at least three months or until you feel sufficiently healed to face him.
Resist every urge to lock yourself in your room and cry into your pillow. You’ve had the crying phase and now is the time to get your acts together and make something productive of your life.
You want to keep busy, that way there’s less likelihood of dwelling on the past and throwing a pity party.
Hang out with friends, visit new and fun places, start that new project you’ve been itching to begin… just ensure you keep busy so you have less time to think about your ex and soon you’ll find thoughts of him stop creeping.
5.Keep Off Dating for a While
Keep off any serious serious dating until you are completely over your ex and have no baggage left. You don’t want to start a new relationship with the issues and baggage of the last knowing these could snuff the joy and life out of the new love.
You also don’t want that amazing guy paying for a crime he didn’t commit.
Once you are sure you are completely over your ex and the bad breakup, you should consider dating again. Give love a chance again and soon, you’ll find that happiness and love are just lurking around the corner.