6 Ways to Stop Being Desperate to Get Married
The year I turned 30 wasn’t the best of years for me. I was anxious most of the time as I felt my life wasn’t quite where i wanted it and as the days wore on I also became a little depressed.
My depression came on as that was the year of my reflection; it dawned on me I wasn’t getting any younger, however, my life was still stuck at a point. To worsen the situation, girls my age or in my circle had all settled down. I felt like the proverbial old maid; the one no one wanted.
My depression deepened and with it came desperation; I was desperate to get married. I decided to search inward as to why guys were passing me up for marriage; in my opinion I wasn’t exactly bad to look at and I had a decent enough personality score, if I should say so myself. So why was no ‘serious’ guy coming my way?
In the end, I deduced my expectations must be too high and was likely scaring off potential suitors and hat was why I wasn’t getting married like I wanted, so decided to lower it. Your guess is as good as mine what happened next.
A lot of women get to this point in their lives; a time when they become so desperate to get married, it’s all they can think of.
Society places a lot of expectations on women; we are constantly reminded of our biological clock ticking and how we need to settle down with a nice, decent young man in time or no one would want us later on. It’s especially worse in Africa and you find girls grabbing onto any available man, even when these men obviously aren’t the right choice and treats her like crap.
Women are told, they are nothing without a man, and achieving that promotion or peak in your career means very little if you don’t have a man by your side. We are constantly compared to friends who seem to be settling down around us and well-meaning family and friends make it seem getting married is the end all and be all of life.
It can get a bit too much; hearing all the harpings that don’t just come from well-meaning family and friends, but from all around you, including the media and it’s easy to fall into depression like I did.
If you’re in a similar state and want to get to a place of calm and gaiety once again, here are six proven tips you should follow:
6 Ways to Stop Being Desperate to Get Married
1.Focus on the Benefits of Being Single
Being single isn’t a crime and while society might want to make you feel there’s something wrong with you, you really shouldn’t believe this.
Being single is one time of your life where you can achieve a lot; a whole lot. This is not just the best time to discover yourself, it is also one of the most convenient time to get that wish off your bucket list.
For me, this was a time where I reevaluated my life and realized this was the one time I could travel to those places I’d always long to without being weighed down by the responsibilities of marriage. I was free to use my time how I saw fit without anyone demanding accountability from me.
You can do more if those things that make you happy without wondering if it would be a pet peeve to someone else.
There is a reason for every phase they go through. Being single is a time to discover yourself.
2.Know that Being Desperate to Get Married is a Huge Turn Off
Another fact that can helped you get over being desperate to get married is the fact that desperation is a huge turn off for men.
Men can sense a woman who is desperate to be hooked from miles away, and even if they were initially interested, it can make them believe that’s all you want (marriage) and not them in particular.
3.Understand Being Desperate for Anything Can Push You to Make the Wrong Choices
Again, being desperate for marriage will likely push you to make the wrong decisions. You will find yourself bending your rules and standard for men who aren’t quite right for you.
The funny (not so funny when you are in it) thing about being desperate to get married is that you will likely achieve your wish. However, once the desperation wears off, you will come to the stark realization you have made a wrong decision, one that would have you in a tight bind.
4.Find a Worthwhile Project to Channel Your Attention to
Finding a hobby or project to turn to at this time can get your mind off things and make you calmer over time. Throw yourself into that project you’ve always wanted to do and you’ll find you have less time thinking of marriage.
5.Find Out if There’s Anything About You that Comes Across as a Turn Off
Okay, this might sound counter-productive, but it works all the time.
Sometimes, the reason we aren’t meeting the right person is because we have that one (or more qualities) in us that is a turn off or deal-breaker in relationships.
To our credit, most times we aren’t are of them until they get pointed out to us by well-meaning friends.
In my case, my habit of always wearing a serious facial expression me portrayed me as unfriendly and unavailable and drove interested guys away from me.
6.Make Friends, Have Fun, Live Your Life
Lastly, you can stop being desperate to get married when it ceases to be a focus.
More and more single women are coming to realize that marriage doesn’t necessarily complete or make you happy. If you were unhappy and insecure single, it is likely you will be this way too even when married.
There are tons of married folks who are desperately unhappy and itching to come out of the union, same way there are singles who are.
You should focus instead on living your life, achieving your dreams and also having fun and marriage will come at the right time.
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Tags: getting married, desperate to get married, getting married late