19 Things That Kill the Joy of Marriage
Anyone who has been married a few years will come to discover marriage is a lot different from what you are made to believe. You can read all there is to read on the subject and attend several marriage seminars, however, until you get in, you wouldn’t know exactly what it entails.
As someone who’s been married almost a decade, I came to this realization quickly enough. Another thing I came to discover is that certain habits and situations can kill the joy of marriage, so much so you both become strangers over time.
Marriage is a lot of hard work. The romance and initial high that characterizes relationships slowly fade over time leaving you with the real stuff that marriage truly is.
To stay happy, you both would have to become committed and make a very conscious effort to keep it so.
Here are nineteen such habits that kill the joy of marriage:
1) You Are Stressed About Money
Money plays an important role in keeping the marriage relationship going.
Not having enough money to service the bills that keep popping can become an issue that, if not watched, will grow into strife between you both.
One way I’ve seen works to reduce the stress of money is to have a plan for how money is to be disbursed and to stick to this budget.
A budget does a few things, including helping you know how your money is being spent and helping you save money where possible.
Budgeting, as a habit, might not be comfortable at the beginning, but once you get the hang of it, you will see its immense benefits.
2) You Place Money Above Your Partner
Wanting to have enough or a lot of money is a great idea, so long as it isn’t done at the expense of your partner’s happiness
If your partner feels neglected in your pursuit of more money, then you might want to make some adjustments for the sake of your continued happiness.
3) Keeping Secrets
Secrets are bad in almost all cases and you’ll find that in most cases, you have to tell a lie and then another to keep this secret covered.
Men take infidelity hard and almost all say they find it hard to forgive a cheating partner.
While situations might tempt you into considering infidelity, you want to look at the whole picture before giving in. One good question to ask yourself would be:
Will my marriage survive this if my infidelity comes to light?
And then have a rethink from your conclusion.
You might also want to remember that even if your marriage does survive infidelity, things would likely never be the same. The trust would be shattered and might never go back to how it was.
5) You Let Third Parties Run Your Affairs
No one knows your spouse like you do and consequently, no one would be able to respond to a marital crisis as best as you would.
While sometimes, marriage therapists and other professionals can suggest the best way out of a marital situation, you don’t want to expose your marriage issues to just anyone.
In a bid to help, friends might bring up suggestions that, while effective in their case, might do more harm than good in yours.
6) You Refuse to Make Company promises
Relationships work when two people are willing and committed to making little sacrifices and compromises to see it work.
One party holding on strongly to their beliefs and ways would only be a disaster waiting to happen.
7) You Are Friends with Too Many Members of the Opposite Sex
Some people see no problem with you having a few friends of the opposite sex, however, if your partner is uncomfortable with you being friends with so many members of the opposite sex, then you might want to reconsider some of these friendships for the sake of peace.
8) You Still Keep in Touch with Your Ex
This is another grey area with people. If your partner feels insecure about your continued close friendship with your ex, then you should consider putting some distance between you both.
9) You Are Vengeful
Another habit that kills the joy of marriage is being vengeful. A vengeful soul has few friends. You’ll also find that such a quality is like cancer that will slowly eat at the joy of your marriage until there’s very little to keep you both glued together.
10) You Have Anger Issues
Anger is another quality that destroys marriages. Someone who constantly gets angry will find people walking on eggshells around him.
And with people being so cautious, they are bound to withdraw or keep away from you.
11) You Have a Deep Jealousy Issue
Jealousy Is one emotion that is as dangerous to the bearer as it is to the receiver.
Besides fostering irrational thoughts and actions that suck the life out of any relationship, jealousy will also affect your health in the long.
12) There’s a Vast Difference in Your Beliefs
Having differing beliefs might seem like a non-issue while courting, however, depending on how wide the gap, it could rear as a problem much later and cause untold strife for you both.
13) Domestic Violence
Domestic violence in any form, emotional, physical, or psychological is detrimental, not just to your marital health, but also to your personal health.
You should seek help if you or your partner are under any form of domestic violence.
14) You Let the Romance Go
Date nights exist to keep the fires of a relationship alive. If you both let the cares of life get in the way of your romance, you might wake up one fine morning to discover a stranger is laying in your bed.
15) Your Sex Life is Not What It Used to Be
This is another aspect of your marital relationship you have to consciously keep alive.
While it can start to get a bit monotonous and boring to keep being with the same person year in year out, you can adopt a few tricks that will spice things up and make it seem as good as new.
16) Holding Grudges
Holding a grudge is holding on to all the negativity and bitterness of the past. If allowed to continue it will eventually lead to resentment, which is bad for your marital health.
To compare your partner is to tell them they aren’t enough and the normal human response to being compared is to lash out or withdraw, both of which are bad for your relationship’s health.
Instead, you might want to consider speaking to your partner about the problem and how it makes you feel.
18) You’ve Set Your Expectations Too High
If your expectations are too high, you will find your partner will become frustrated trying to live up to it or might refuse to outrightly, frustrating you in the process.
In such a situation, analyzing the issue critically would put things in perspective, letting you see why and where you need to make adjustments.
19) You Take Your Partner for Granted
Most people who take their partner for granted don’t do so intentionally. However, the victim is most times vocal about his feelings of neglect or being taken for granted, and making moves to correct this will should bring some semblance of order back into the relationship.
Tags: Habits that kill the joy of marriage, situations that destroy the joy of marriage